One of my friends recently told me, that if he walked into a bar and saw me standing there, he wouldn't ever come up and talk to me, let alone hit on me. "Even if you were in your hottest outfit," he added - you know, just in case I hadn't felt completely rejected already. I was at the verge of assuming it was because I was simply not his type or whatever, when he decided to elucidate - "It's a vibe thing," he said. "You send out this Don't-mess-with-me vibe and guys can always sense that kind of stuff."
Now see, I'm always open to new theories on why I'm still single so I considered it and I have to say - If this is true, I'm in some serious trouble here. I mean, I've been thinking all this time that my obsession with The One (over the last few years) has been making me appear something on the lines of delusional, pathetic and kind of scary in a she-might-gag-me-tie-me-to-a-pole-and-marry-me kind of way, so I've been trying to play it down. But it turns out, I've been poshly rejecting even the few good men around, without my knowledge. This is worrisome. So worrisome, it might drive me to quilting or something.
I wish he had just said that I was too short. That way, I would have sulked about it for a little while and shrugged it off. OR it should have been something constructive such as 'You need to smile more' or I don't know, 'You should wear brighter colours (something I get all the time)'. But this vibe thing is totally unfair. Because now, you're basically saying that the reason I still haven't met The One is because of ME. And since I don't even KNOW that I'm sending out this stupid vibe, how on earth am I supposed to make it stop? Pray, tell!
I mean, it's like I come with something like an inbuilt Galton Whistle. Except, this one is not directed at dogs and cats. It sends out these extremely irritating high pitched sounds to all the desirable single men within a 100 meter radius - causing them to make a 180 degree turn and walk away.
Actually, it's kind of fascinating when you think about it. Maybe I should use my powers for good. Yeah, if any of you ladies need to revolt a persistent ex or just any guy who won't leave you alone at a party, take me with you. I'll put on my hottest outfit and just stand there emitting these super cool vibes and make all the men disappear. I always wanted to have telekinetic powers but this is cool enough. So let me just get my very own superhero costume and we'll get going, yes?
This is not funny at all and I refuse to settle for this rubbish vibe mumbo-jumbo. That's like telling a child that she didn't get any Christmas presents this year because Santa's sleigh broke down. How lame is that. I mean, we all know that she didn't get any presents because she's been NAUGHTY.
So. Stop giving excuses and come up with reasons I can actually work on, dammit.
Not that The One and Santa are the same thing. You can laugh all you want but I know that he (The One, not Santa) is out there.
You know, like I can sense it. It's a vibe thing. From the universe.